Smother
by VanillaVice
Summary: Tamsin takes to heart what Bo says about her confused emotions after a long night of drinking, and she decides to leave. Post 5x07. **No longer a one-shot.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I told Tumblr and myself that I would not write anything for a while because 5x07 wrecked me.**

**But, I heard a song. And then a cover of that song.**

**'Smother' by Daughter and George Ogilvie's cover of it were my inspiration. (You can find George on YouTube.)**

**I'm not the best at angst. Sorry in advance.**

**P.S. Lyrics will be in italics with their own line breaks. I won't use a few bits of the song.**

**_**EDIT!:_ _I will be writing Bo's POV and reaction to Tamsin's disappearance. _**

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><p>Tamsin sat outside in a rented truck, it differing greatly from her own truck. She didn't want to be noticed as she sat, parked half a block away from the clubhouse. She pressed her lips to one of the many bottles of liquor she bought, taking a long swig to finish it off. She shakily wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, tossing the empty bottle onto the floor of the car.<p>

It had been a while since the valkyrie felt the need to drink, but then again, there was Bo— Tamsin quickly stopped that thought from going any further. Gripping the steering wheel, she closed her eyes, taking in shaky breaths. _I will not cry. I will not cry._ She gritted her teeth, forcing her eyes back open. She glanced at the clubhouse, waiting for an inevitable moment.

The blonde knew that _she _would be leaving soon, to see Trick, to see Dyson, to see _Lauren_... to see anyone but her. But Tamsin doesn't blame her. Not in the slightest. Because who would want to see an unlovable valkyrie? A woman who simply wasn't enough. A woman with false emotions, it seemed.

Tamsin watched as Bo walked out of the clubhouse, looking a little worse for wear. She tried to feel nothing as she watched the brunette enter her car and drive off to the Dahl. But nothing could get rid of the pain that ripped through her chest, invading her lungs with every breath she took. The blonde opened another bottle of alcohol and swallowed as much as she could manage before her eyes watered and her throat burned in protest. She closed and tossed the bottle into the passenger seat. She'd need it later.

She stumbled out of the vehicle, managing to somehow make it to the clubhouse front door without falling down. She barged right in, knowing that if you jiggled the doorknob in a certain set of directions, the door would open as if it had never been locked in the first place. The valkyrie stepped inside, looking around. Everything was in the same place as she'd left it.

Tamsin grabbed a trash bag, beginning to toss her belongings in it one by one. She started in the kitchen, tossing in an apron that she wore whenever she tried to conjure up something edible. Next, she threw in her favorite utensils, followed up by some of the food she chose when they went grocery shopping. The blonde moved her gaze up, staring at the two boxes of cereal that sat on top of the fridge. Cap'n Crunch and Lucky Charms. She closed her eyes.

_"I'm hungry," Tamsin mused, scrunching her nose._

_"Well, why don't I make us some breakfast, huh? Half Cap'n Crunch, half Lucky Charms?" Bo suggested._

_"Hmm, I love that you know how I like it."_

_"Well, that's what roomies are for."_

Roomies. Tamsin should have known. She was so blinded. Blinded by the thought she really had Bo all to herself. But she didn't have her at all, did she? Not even a miniscule of her belonged to the valkyrie. Not even a miniscule would _ever _belong to her. She was a complete and utter fool for ever believing she stood a chance in the race for the succubus's heart.

_I'm wasted, losing time  
>I'm a foolish, fragile spine<em>

Tamsin threw the boxes of cereal into the trash bag, adding the milk for good measure. She turned in a circle, making sure she had cleared everything out. She dragged the trash bag behind her, sniffling as she wiped her eyes, brimming with fresh tears. _It'll be like I was never here._ Her hands sought out the blanket she always used when marathoning tv shows, the very same blanket that Bo would sometimes crawl under with her, and threw it into the bag.

The valkyrie picked up and threw out various things, and finally, her hand settled around a photo of her and Bo. Absentmindedly, her thumb brushed against the photo, reminiscing. She remembered the day as clear as a summer's sky. It was a bittersweet day after Kenzi had passed, when Tamsin felt she no longer belonged in the rundown house. And as she was about to leave with her suitcase full of everything she owned, a soft, warm hand latched onto her wrist.

_"You know you can stay if you have nowhere else to go, right?" Bo's voice had been quiet, vulnerable. _

Tamsin had been about to say no, but one look in the succubus's eyes broke every resistance in her. She had looked so lost, and a certain hollowness was evident in those eyes that were usually so warm and full of kindness. And something in Tamsin ached. Ached to fix that sadness. Ached to see them full of life once more. And so she gave in.

_Tamsin gave a small, sad smile. "I think I'd like that."_

With trembling fingers, she pried open the picture frame, removing the picture. She stared at it for quite a while, thumb running over Bo's side of the picture.

_I want all that is not mine  
>I want her but we're not right<em>

With a deep, shaking breath, she tore the picture in half. The half with Bo, she tucked into her back pocket. Her half ended in the trash, and she moved on towards the upper half of the clubhouse. Methodically, she cleared away everything in her room, pulling clothes out of drawers, tearing posters off the decrepit walls, and even going as far as erasing the markings on the side of the door that tracked her height through her last rebirth.

Tamsin grabbed the sheets and pillow cases off her bed, knowing they'd smell of her if she left them. She gathered them up, adding them to the over-stuffed trash bag. After grabbing another trash bag, she cleared out the bathroom. The only room left was _her _room. _Their_ room, as it had come to be for Tamsin the past couple of weeks.

She actively avoided the bed sitting in the middle of the room, opting to sift through and grab her things that lay intermingled with Bo's belongings. After she had thrown away every bit of evidence of her having lived in this house, she turned to the bed and swallowed thickly. In an instant, she recalled all the cherished moments she had spent with Bo there. Moments that were filled with smiles and laughter. Moments where words were never spoken, and only hungry kisses and roaming hands could convey any sense of communication. And amidst all of that, Tamsin had truly believed she fell in love.

_Was it love I felt?_ Tamsin's hand dragged along the sheets, feeling the soft fabric beneath her fingertips. She believed it was love, and she thought Bo shared that.

But she was wrong.

No matter how sure she felt— _feels_, she was so very wrong. A succubus, a type of Fae renowned for their expertise in love and desire, couldn't see how she felt. So it couldn't have been love. Even with the feeling filling her heart and the deepest pit of her stomach, it couldn't have been love. Even the warmth that blossomed in her chest and the blush that spread like wildfire on her cheeks, it couldn't have been love. Even with every ounce of her being that screamed to be near the one with eyes both brown and blue, whose heart is both strong and gentle, who's virtuous yet lustful... It couldn't have been love.

Tamsin tore herself out of her thoughts, and she gathered up the blankets and sheets from the bed. Instead of throwing out the sheets as she did with her own bed, she washed and dried them, ridding them of any scent.. any indication that she had been in that bed.

_I should go now quietly  
>For my bones have found a place to lie down and sleep<em>

Tamsin wiped at the tears that pooled and threatened to overspill, backing out of the room with the two trash bags in hand. Within seconds, she was locking the door of the clubhouse, descending the stairs as fast as she could. The longer she stayed, the longer a heavy weight pressed against her heart.

And then she was outside, breathing in the damp air that lingered after a long storm. As soon as she got to her rented truck, she tossed the bags in the bed of the truck and entered the cab. Immediately, her hands went to a bottle, and she drank and drank until a certain kind of numbness took hold of her. After a few moments, she turned the key in the ignition, and the engine roared to life. Mindlessly, she shifted the gear into Drive and took off down the road. As she drove away, she glanced at the rear-view mirror, watching her temporary home shrink into nothing.

Soon, the valkyrie found herself parked near a familiar alley. She got out of the truck, grabbing hold of the two trash bags, tossing them into the nearby dumpster. Next, she grabbed the canister of gasoline, dousing the contents of the dumpster thoroughly. Tamsin reached into her jacket pocket, pulling out a matchbook from one of the various Dark Fae bars she's visited. As she struck the match, the wind shifted, the clouds darkened considerably, and the air became chilled.

And when Tamsin tossed the match into the dumpster, setting it ablaze, the creaking of a wrought iron gate opening resounded through the alley. She felt a familiar and unpleasant presence behind her, and a sickeningly sweet voice spoke up.

"Hey, Tammy," Stacy greeted, a taunting edge to her voice. "Are you ready to atone for all that you've done?"

_In the darkness I will meet my creators  
>They will all agree, I'm a suffocator<em>

Tamsin said nothing, staring long and hard at the roaring flame that was currently consuming all physical evidence that she had lived with Bo. Not even the marks she left on the other woman remained. They never did. Tamsin would leave them, signs that Bo was hers and hers alone and yet, each time, Bo would feed off her immediately after as if refusing her any physical part of her. At the time, she was fine with that because emotionally and mentally, she believed she still had some part of the succubus. But she should have known that if she couldn't have something as small as a mark on the other woman's skin, she could never have any part of her heart.

Tamsin pulled the photo of Bo out of her back pocket, staring at it and letting the painful ache fill her chest and sweep through her veins. _Remember this, _she reminded herself. _Remember this pain, and never let it happen again._ _All you've caused is trouble for her. Do not try to hold onto someone who does not want to be held by you._ _You are a valkyrie. You are not meant for love._

She dropped the photo into the flames, watching the flame lick at its edges before consuming it whole. She turned around and faced Stacy's smug smile, nodding slightly as she brushed past the other blonde. She thought of the succubus one last time as she entered Valhalla.

_Oh no  
>I'm sorry if I smothered you<em>

Once Tamsin was past, the gate creaked and groaned as it shut, disappearing and taking the valkyrie with it.

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><p><strong>AN: Yep. Review if you'd like.**

**P.S. Any weird mistakes found? Me = sorry.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: People wanted Bo's reaction, so here it is. Sorry for being late on it. I'm like stuck in a pool of korrasami.**

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><p>"Thanks for dropping me off, Dyson," Bo said gratefully, situated in the passenger seat of the wolf's car. They were in front of the clubhouse. "Of course, my car would decide not to start out of nowhere."<p>

Dyson smiled. "Well, I mean it is a piece of—"

Bo held up her finger to interrupt. "Don't you dare finish that with 'junk' or 'shit' or anything along those lines. It is my baby."

A brief moment of silence ensued.

"So, how is—" Dyson started to ask before Bo could leave.

"Tamsin?" Bo finished, pursing her lips.

"Yeah. I heard you kind of—"

"I really don't want to talk about it, Dyson. She and I had separate ideas of what we were doing, y'know? I love her... just not like that."

"You could've tried talking it out with her. You sort of assumed the old Tamsin was with you, but Tamsin's not like that anymore. She's... different. She feels a lot more." Dyson rubbed at his beard, one hand tapping the steering wheel.

"I still don't think she's in love with me. I don't think it's possible. There was just a lot of confusion."

"Bo. Tamsin is definitely in love with you. I'm sure you could see it. When has Tamsin _ever_ acted that way with anyone? The sun practically shines out your ass for her."

"But—"

"And I'm sure you could've ended it earlier than when you did. She wouldn't have thought she had something solid with you."

"She—"

"Yes, she could've talked about it with you, too. She was probably just... happy for once and wanted to hold on to that for as long as she could. Even if it meant she had to be blissfully ignorant."

Bo sighed. "What do I do?"

"You told her how you honestly felt, right?"

Hesitantly, Bo nodded.

"Then that's it. Don't try comforting her or telling her she's important to you, or the group. Just let her be."

"I guess you're right. It just feels wrong to leave things as they are."

Dyson shrugged. "Tamsin's a strong woman. There's no doubt she'll get through this. The scary part is how she'll do it."

"Well, I should probably get going. Heart-to-heart talks in the car are great and all, but I gotta get back to figuring out the whole Ancients thing."

"Alright. Call me if you need anything."

Bo left the car, ready to slam the door shut before it hit her. "Oh!"

"Yes?" Dyson smiled a little, waiting.

"I forgot. I need you to check some of the pipes. They've been leaking again, and the sound of water dripping might be shortening my life."

Dyson chuckled. "Wouldn't want you to die before I do."

Together, they entered the clubhouse, chatting amiably. Bo paused as soon as she opened the door, looking around. Confusion blanketed her features.

Dyson raised his eyebrow, sliding past the succubus to stand in the living room. "What's a matter?"

Bo opened her mouth to speak but shut it abruptly. The realization hit her harder than a sledgehammer to her ribcage. The onset of pain was so sudden, and she had to remind herself to breathe.

She furrowed her eyebrows.

Rushed to the kitchen.

She glanced up at the top of the fridge, and her heart quickened in panic.

"Bo?" Dyson prompted, cautiously walking towards her.

Bo rapidly shook her head, beginning to throw open drawers and cabinets. Each one, she left wide open.

"She's gone," Bo answered. Her own voice sounded foreign to her.

The wolf looked around. Everything seemed the same to him for the most part. "Doesn't look different than the last time I was here."

In response, Bo pointed at the fridge, rambling. "We... I mean, she used to buy Lucky Charms and Cap'n Crunch because she liked eating them together. And they're gone. And her favorite spoon is gone. And there's no milk."

"Bo, I'm sure you guys just ran out of the cereal and milk, and her favorite spoon is probably somewhere in her room with an unwashed bowl."

"We _never_ run out of cereal because she eats it every morning."

"There has to be some logical explanation."

"You wouldn't know, Dyson. You didn't live with her. Her stuff is gone. It's like she didn't even live here. And her room is—"

Without finishing the thought, Bo took the stairs two at a time up into the space that served as Kenzi's room at one point, but was adapted as Tamsin's now. She stopped at the top, staring at the empty room. Dyson followed close behind.

Bo swallowed. "Gone. There's nothing here."

She stepped into the space, and a small flicker of hope ignited in her heart as she headed towards the bathroom. Her eyes scanned the doorframe, and her heart dropped.

"She didn't even leave her height tallies when she went through her rebirth, Dyson..."

Dyson's mouth set into a grim line. "I guess she didn't feel like her mark was worth leaving."

"There has to be something. Anything." Bo brushed past Dyson, rushing down the stairs to the second bathroom.

She looked everywhere for any sign of Tamsin having lived with her.

Nothing.

Not even a toothbrush, or the cinnamon toothpaste that Tamsin enjoyed smelling but never used it to actually brush her teeth.

Not even the valkyrie's shampoo that made her hair smell so clean and citrusy.

Bo bought it for her once she learned Tamsin was strongly opposed to flower-scented shampoos.

What if she never got to see Tamsin again?

What if, what if, what if?

Bo moved onto her bedroom, staring at the bed. It was still unmade.

What if?

She slowly walked over to it.

Dyson watched her silently, allowing her to absorb the situation. He glanced at his phone, realizing it was off. He waited as he turned it on.

Bo ran her hands over the sheets and blankets. And she knew it all felt wrong. It felt too clean. Too stiff.

_"Girls must have hated you... You're beautiful even like this," Tamsin commented, almost reverently._

It didn't feel like two women had spent hours at a time in it, tangled in a carnal dance.

_"Like what?" Bo asked._

It didn't feel like Bo being the little spoon with Tamsin as the big spoon.

_"Sad," Tamsin answered._

It didn't feel like hushed voices and bare skin on skin.

_"I know something's been bugging you..." the valkyrie continued._

It didn't feel like heart-to-hearts and breakfast in bed.

_"I've tried to ignore it but..."_

It felt cold and empty.

_"Just tell me what it is," Tamsin finished in a whisper. _

And as Bo picked up a pillow to smell it, she already knew what she'd find. Somehow, she couldn't stop, and as she inhaled deeply, ice seeped into her veins. _Laundry detergent_.

And maybe Bo didn't love Tamsin that way—_doesn't_ love Tamsin that way, it still hurt for inexplicable reasons. It hurt in a way that a violinist might pluck at a freshly-stitched wound the way they would pluck violently at the strings of a violin during a heavy piece.

Bo loved her, but Bo didn't _love_ her. Bo couldn't. And why did that thought hurt so much? Shouldn't she be okay with this? She had Lauren. Lauren with light brown eyes that captivated and a brain so unfathomably smart it was beautiful in the way that the auroras are beautiful.

So, why?

Why does _this_ absence hurt?

Bo understood why it hurt when Kenzi left. Kenzi was her best friend. The sister she never had.

But Tamsin wasn't like that. Tamsin was a wild card. An addition to her family that stood on thin ice. A rival. Someone that pushed her to be honest, to be better when no one else had the guts to. Someone she grew to trust with everything except—

"Bo, Tamsin left me a voice mail." Dyson's voice cut through her thoughts.

Bo turned around, wiping at the tears gathered in her eyes. "Yeah? Can I hear it?"

Dyson sighed. "She told me not to let you in the message. She's gone back to Valhalla, but if we need her, she'll come back as soon as possible."

"But, Dyson! She can't be in Valhalla. Valhalla makes her... makes her awful, and it makes her do things she doesn't _want _to do."

Another sigh. "Who knows, Bo? Maybe it was too painful for her to be here. Maybe Valhalla will be good for her."

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><p><strong>AN: Zigga zig AH.**


	3. Important AN

**A/N: Okay, so, I know you were all expecting an update for Smother on Monday, and I know I said I would update every Monday, BUT I've decided to try finishing a story before posting chapters.**

**I don't really see a clear end to this story the way I do with Unexpected so I don't want to push out chapters all willy-nilly with no end in sight.**

**This story will probably have 10 chapters total, and it will follow my version of season 5. As it stands, it probably won't be valkubus endgame as I don't expect the show to do that, but there will be a lot of angst and pain and hate-flirting/sex with a touch of happiness on the end. **

**And I know that sounds like I have the story planned out, but those are just emotions I've mapped out. I don't really have any idea how I will execute them.**

**Sorry in advance.**


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